Monday, November 16, 2009

I can be a douch bag too.

Okay, let's do it. Let's begin the conversation with a declarative statement. People who ride bicycles on the sidewalk are basically the reason society is going to crumble. It eats at our basic social fibers. I think if you are caught riding your bicycle on the sidewalk you should be sentenced to installing training wheels and be required to put tassles on your nipples and dance for the Pike House during one of their initiations. Seriously, what is the idea behind this? I mean, when you see some dumb ass 28 year old on a bmx, you know he is a douch. Or some hipster dipshit with his pants so tight his camel tail is clearly outlined, six months when the new fad is the old 70's style roller skates, he will be riding those, so I understand him riding on the sidewalk. But what about cyclists who do it? I guess I just don't understand. I am an old fashioned same rules, same rights, same responsibilities kind of guy. And of course I see the irony of embedding homosexual images in a message and using it as an insult, when I had to find those images. (Actually the camel tail made me throw up a little, even with my comfortablity with sexuality.) So think about it, bikes on sidewalks = douch bag. Bikes on main streets = douch bags.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Laramie Cyclo Cross Race Series

Well Wyoming, get ready for some huge news. Cyclocross season is in full swing. Cheyenne has held some pretty respectable races, and now chiming in is the home of the University of Wyoming Cowboys; Laramie. And if I may quote, "Country clubs and cemeteries are the biggest wasters of prime real estate! Dead people? They don't need buried nowadays. Ecology, right? Ask Wang. He'll tell you. We just bought property behind the Great Wall. On the good side!" Well, they didn't set up shop in the cemetary, or the country club really, but they did find a good use for the local golf course in the fall, extending the use of this property to another section of the community; cyclists. Thank you Univeristy of Wyoming. It looked like a Caddyshack sequal gone wrong, though there were not cross dressing males unwilling to throw away the shackles of every day life, so they can only be themselves on Halloween and at cross races...bad interpretation. Anyway, There are two more races,(video 1) - (video 2) the first posted on the famous amature video site, youtube. Enjoy, and let's all head down to Laramie for the next race this sunday at one. Laramie-CX Race Series November 8,15,& 22University of Wyoming, Jacoby Golf Course 3501 Willett Drive, Laramie WY
For more information, including a google map overlay of the next course, head on over to

Monday, November 2, 2009

Freddy Fenders

I recently decided to put fenders on my cyclo cross bike mainly because I enjoy the look of resentment from cross riders, but also to try to stay a little clean on my morning commute. Planet Bike made a fender called, Freddy Fenders, an excellent fender discontinued due to the fact that the former artist with the same name patended his name. I would have expected that from Cher but not the Texas Tornado. Anyway, the fender was awesome. I put it through some hell. I rode through dirty water, thick mud, loose mud, grass, everything. My shoes were a little messy, but from my ankle up was spotless. Great piece of gear. I recommend them highly. On fenders I say, don't skimp. Don't buy the crappy plastic ones that only cost $10 at the velo swap, splurge. This purchase will keep you on the road when others drive. That is the goal, right? To show up to that important tie wearing event on your bike, able to smuggly lock your bike next to the building. Slyly inserting into almost every conversation, "No, I didn't have any problem finding a parking place." Stupid motorists.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Spring Cleaning for Cyclists

Well, I no longer wish to bitch and moan about the snow. I don't ski, and I am in good shape right now, so...what to do. Well, traditionally I start by destroying my fitness with a proper pub workout. I start with 160z curls, and stick with that for a couple of hours. Then I go for a stumble through my neighborhood looking for my house. Finally, I finish by doing my remote controle thumb presses.
This is actually a good time for cleaning up the old bicycles too. I pulled out a couple of different bikes and came up with a little list of some things we should think about for winter riding.
1. Don't ride your good bike. I know this is not what we were all thinking when we bought that Trek 3700 for "riding and stuff". I understand some of us have only one, mid ranged bicycles, due of course to our economics. But for riders with a bicyle with shocks, it would be benificial for you to have a rigid fork to swap out. You can do it yourself or take it to your local shop and have them sap it out, a service they will provide with a rigid fork if you purchas it locally.
2. Over lubricate your chain. The moisture from this season more than negate the fact that too much lube attracts dust. In this season, snow and rain will wash most of that off and make regular cleaning and relubing a necessity, so don't skip this step.
3. Fenders make riding this season more likely, and more enjoyable. And with today's selections you can find something that enhances your bicycle.
With these three tips, I hope you can enjoy your bicycle longer.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Meditations on Snow

Snowfall. It is like an old relative from childhood in so many ways. In the middle of summer, when you are farthest way from actually experiencing the uncomfortable presence of the second cousin season, you almost miss him. Usually on an uncomfortably hot day I will remember how good it feels to warm up after a long walk in the middle of winter. But then, as you are getting ready to head out the door for an early fall ride, he shows up at your door, ruining your chances of riding for a long time. Then he just will not leave. He borrows money, (heating bills), and he is always so damn depressing. It is like watching the parts of Everybody Loves Raymond that were left on the editing room floor…(I am implying that that show sucked and I would hate to see what didn’t make the cut.) Well, bring in your damn suitcase cousin. It looks like you plan on staying a while. But instead of crashing on my couch for a few month, he crashes in my ass. It really isn’t cool.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I struck something of a milestone last night, I did my first ride starting and finishing in the rain - at night. There were a few things I was aware of; 1. this was not such an amazing thing for the 15 or so cyclists I saw riding home from work, (my assumption because of the kind of bikes they rode) ( I noticed that this wasn't such a huge feat, noteworthy of a moment in Bicycling magazine, (Nov. 2009, Rites of Passage by Collin Erie, pg. 49). It was just a commute home. So perhaps the thing missing from the aforementioned list is, "stopped riding my bike to cross off parts of a list, and made the bike a part of my life."
So my list is of things I have learned because of my bike…it is a short list.
1. Not everyone is jazzed about bicycles and riding them.
2. Racing Sucks.
3. Training for racing Sucks.
4. A lady on a bike is 4X hotter than if she were walking in her underwear. (That is my fetish.)
5. Fenders on a fixed gear are scary dangerous.
6. When someone is excited about their piece of crap bicycle they bought at wally world, you should not bash their dreams on the rocks of reality…they will find out it sucks if they ride it.
7. Wal-Mart is the most destructive force in the world for cycling advocacy. (Their bikes suck, their “mechanics” suck…granted it is nice that the company hires so many mentally handicapped individuals….their attitude sucks, and everything is overpriced.) Shiny, full suspension, piles of shit make me not want to ride!
8. I need to remember to wear a helmet on my morning commute.
9. Night rides in the mountains rock.
10. I am happier on a bike.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I am no fancy, big city blogger, like that NYC guy, but I ride in a place where the Cowboy can ride a horse in the road, but people shout at cyclists from their four wheel penis extentions: "Get on the sidewalk you Jackass" So I thought to myself, "What would Levi do?" Bitch about it publicly! So that is what I am going to do. I figured I would try to have some fun doing it too. So if you are bored enough to read this, probably because you live in Wyoming and there is a long time to develope cabin fever, then sweet. Probably not though.